Communication is Key
Communication includes much more than “choosing the right words.” Knowing your audience, attentively listening, and being able to empathise with people are all required. It also requires exceptional facilitation skills, the capacity to modify your body language, and a high level of understanding. However, it is clear that word choice is crucial.
Here are a handful of the most useful patterns:
1. To convince, begin with ‘why.’
Assume you are presenting a key decision to your team. One strategy is to state your preference and then explain why you made it. Your listeners, on the other hand, make an automatic judgement call on whether it’s excellent or bad a split second after you’ve stated it. If they don’t like it, the justifications you provide for your decision may come out as excuses.
By reversing the facts and starting with the reasons that caused your decision, you may take your listeners on a journey, with your answer acting as the logical conclusion.
2. To win hearts and minds, show vulnerability first, then vision.
Have you ever met someone who appeared to have the solution to everything? It’s a short-lived disguise, especially if you’re in control of other people. So, what should you do if the team turns to you for directions?
Vulnerability and vision are a potent combination. Vulnerability – admitting you don’t have all the answers or that you, too, are fearful at times – may foster a sense of connection… and hearts need connection. Then, your vision may provide guidance for the team… since minds want clarity.
3. Submit a request using the NVC format.
In stressful situations, everyone finds it difficult to offer feedback and make ideas. One of the reasons they are terrifying is because it is impossible to foresee how the other person will react. Fortunately, a powerful template from Marshall Rosenburg’s book Nonviolent Communication (NVC) may help you structure your feedback:
“When I ____[observation], I feel ____[emotion] because I am in need of certain ____[universal necessities]. Could you kindly _____[request]?”
It’s more difficult than it seems, partly because we’re not taught a language of emotions and needs in school, but read ‘The Essential Guide to Difficult Conversations’ for a full introduction to NVC.
4. When making a point, stick to the 40-word guideline.
When we need to express something that may be difficult to hear, many of us tend to talk too much. We might emphasise how sorry we are to have to tell it, or we could provide various points to help them understand where we’re coming from.
However, after hearing such things, people often need some alone time with their thoughts — and just because you’re talking doesn’t mean they’re listening. Everything can be condensed into 40 words or less. Prepare ahead of time so you can get to the point fast and then quit speaking.
5. In order to engage, tell a storey.
Stories are powerful because they can connect with us emotionally in ways that dry facts often do not. Storytelling has grown into an essential part of a leader’s toolkit.
A good storey doesn’t have to be two hours long; it just needs a little setup and a topic that people can relate to.
6. To empower, make a request for authority.
There is a simple yet incredibly efficient method for persuading people to agree with you. Simply ask for their consent.
- Is it okay if I interrupt you if we veer from our initial plan?
- Is it all OK with you if I give you some feedback?
- Do you give me the go-ahead to adjust the scope?
Asking for permission shows respect and offers individuals a sense of control. When a leader asks for permission, it might be intimidating, yet most people are ready to offer it.
7. When coaching, be sure to ask questions.
Every leader realises how appealing it is to jump in and solve other people’s problems. However, how can you expect people to develop if you undertake the work of those who are supposed to work for you?
The best leaders are able to keep their emotions in control and instead ask probing questions. In order to ask intelligent questions, you must have prior experience. A good inquiry is open, fundamental, and inquisitive, and it often starts with ‘what’ or ‘how.’ For a more in-depth look at questioning, see ‘How to Ask Your Team the Right Questions.’
8. To develop new ideas, say ‘yes and…’
Any leader may benefit from the ability to think creatively. Few things, on the other hand, undermine creativity faster than the words ‘no, but…’.
‘Yes, and…’ is an improvised comedic technique. Accepting and building on a notion invites others to build on top of it rather than tear it down. I’ve met people who have totally eliminated the word “but” from their vocabulary, stating that it has transformed the way they think for the better.
9. Before you can convince someone, you must first empathise with them.
This is something I learned about dealing with objections in a sales school. When you try to sell your product or idea to others, you will almost certainly hear good reasons why it will fail. What should be your reaction?
The stupid response is to try to convince the sceptics that they are wrong. However, empathising with their feelings before proceeding with another explanation may increase the probability that they will listen. One framework for doing this is ‘Feel, felt, found’:
“I completely get how you feel. I had the same view, and then I discovered______ [evidence that changed your mind]”
10. Be the last person to speak if you want to listen.
Leaders are often imaginative and full of new ideas. However, taking advantage of your position to get your ideas in first may deny your team the chance to come up with their own ideas.
Listening to others before joining in with your own opinions is usually a useful strategy in a group debate or decision. By hearing other opinions and ideas early on, you get an information edge as well as the opportunity to recognise your team. People are more ready to listen to you if they feel you have heard them.
